Our beloved leaders, the Triumvirate of Turnips, have decided that it is better for the overworked and understaffed NZ Police Force to spend their time taking clothing away from gang members, rather than solving actual crimes. Apparently this makes us feel safer because large, tattooed scary men are much less scary when they are not wearing clothing that advertises their gang affiliation.
But what if our numpty overlords are, for once, right?
What if the Gangs Act 2024 should only be the start?
I present, for public consideration and discussion, the…
Bad Fashion Prevention Act 2025
Part 1 - Prohibition on display of bad fashion sense in public places
(1) A person commits an offence if the person knowingly, and without reasonable excuse, displays terrible fashion sense at any time in a public place.
(2) A person who commits an offence against subsection (1) is liable on conviction to a term of imprisonment not exceeding 6 months or a fine not exceeding $5,000 plus a court-mandated good taste therapy programme.
(3) If a person pleads guilty to, or is convicted of, an offence against subsection (1), the bad fashion concerned — (a) is forfeited to the Crown; and (b) will be destroyed, by the court, either by burning or shredding.
Schedule 1 - Identified Bad Fashion Trends
Really skinny jeans for men, that stop just above the ankle. If worn with loafers and no socks the minimum non-parole period is doubled.
White shirts, a size too small, tucked in very tight. Double the fine if it is a white t-shirt.
RM Williams Moleskine jeans and matching boots, if not atop a horse, on an actual farm, ideally in Australia.
Baseball caps, when worn backwards.
Drop-crotch anything.
The brightly patterned matching shirt/shorts combo, that make you look like a child, wearing your pyjamas in public.
Anything double denim. Additional fines for 3+ denim items at once.
Stupid Balenciaga steroid boots.
In fact, just dressing like Kanye is a misdemeanour offence punishable by an instant fine.
Stupidly oversized clothing, except when worn by David Byrne.
Ed Hardy t-shirts. Double the fine if worn whilst riding a mid-life-crisis Harley-Davidson motorbike.
Speed dealer sunglasses, unless actually dealing speed (in which case it falls under the Misuse of Drugs Act 1975) or if you are a member of The Chats.
Any trend that was awful the first time around but yet, inexplicably, has come back into fashion.
Anyone, wearing anything, if you are driving a Tesla Cybertruck. Zero chance of early parole. Automatic Preventative Detention if the driver of the Cybertruck is Elon Musk.